As I previously mentioned in another blog post, I love using the word “journey” to discuss fitness because it truly is a constantly evolving and never ending progression. I’ve walked into 2022 with such a refreshed mindset and new goals to pursue, particularly fitness and how that affects my lifestyle, mental health, and overall well being. I’ve had many different fitness journeys from sports, to dance, to weight lifting, to nothing at all that you can read more about here; but throughout each stage I was in, I felt some lack of balance – the word I chose to guide my 2022.
To gain some perspective of where my mindset and fitness goals used to be, I’ll touch on the past to shed some light on how my young teenage self thought, and what guided my goals (also, there are some adult words in this blog post LOL).
Where I was...
Recently I was cleaning up my Pinterest boards, since I’ve had my account for over 10 years (wow, feeling old) and needed to delete irrelevant old pins. I stumbled across so many cringe-worthy pictures of tacky style, silly millennial photoshoots, and to my dismay, dozens of damaging body imagery photos saved in my private board where I kept workouts, diets, and body ideals to reference. I discovered many pins with loud graphics claiming the best exercises for “the best butt, getting a thigh gap, removing armpit fat, getting rid of the saddle bags” etc. Sure, I felt slightly disappointed with my younger self for reading too much into the false fitness promises of the internet when going through these pins to delete, but I was not prepared to see some of the outrageous things I pinned.
This one to the left I saved as young as 14. Once you get past the photo of the hourglass figure with the thigh gap – what my younger self thought as the ideal body image – read the words. “Let’s try this, because a pound lighter is a pound lighter.”
Floored when I found this and read it, I felt so disappointed and disheartened. My 14 year-old self truly read into this bullshit and actually thought nothing was wrong with it. I saved this pin to go back to and reference, probably even trying the workout.
I was already quite skinny and slim at that age with a lack of muscle, but didn’t feel like it. I was even fortunate enough to have so many positive influences in my life telling me how beautiful I was, yet this is what I chose to see as beautiful: a faceless woman with a thigh gap, flat stomach, and hourglass waist.
I found other pins too in my private board: pins with graphics claiming to have the best workouts featuring buzzwords that caught my attention at the time – flat, skinny, sexy. Dozens of photos like this filled my Pinterest board that I had long forgotten about, promoting the glorification of the ultimate skinny and sexy body. It was all that I wanted as a young pre-teen filled with questions of self worth and doubt in my own beauty.
Where I am now...
Looking back at that mindset over 10 years ago, I realize how damaging that space was – holding me hostage for years, and still a bit to this day. Even though I’m older and a little wiser, there can still be that nagging sense of self-deprivation that an Instagram fitness page or pin claims to resolve with the perfect diet and exercise routine. It still remains pervasive, just not at the extreme level it used to be.
I’m thankful for the upward tick in fitness pages that promote strength and weight training in women. Although it’s more positive than the skinny glorification era I grew up in as a teen, it can still have the same hold – the notion that a bigger booty and thinner waist is what’s now considered as the ultimate body image. I’m not going to lie, I have to regularly deconstruct my goals for working out so I don’t get suctioned into the same shit that's just wearing a different mask: not to meet the ideal of a glorified body image, but to pursue fitness to benefit my health.
As cliche as it sounds, I sat down January 1st to write out my goals, mindset shifts, and ideals to guide my 2022 – one of them being a balanced approach to a healthy and active lifestyle. Rather than exclusively lifting weights or solely doing low-impact workouts, I feel so fulfilled in doing a little bit of everything. My weekly workout routine isn’t a rigorous structure to adhere to, rather a blend of about two nights of weight training, and about two nights of yoga and/or barre. I always want to pursue an active lifestyle, but that looks different every week.
Some nights I drag myself to the gym with no motivation, and some nights I am all energy. Some nights all I can muster is restorative calming yoga, some nights I'm ready to tackle a heart-pumping barre workout. Regardless of how I feel, practicing balance in my fitness has brought me a unique blend of peace and zeal – the peace of knowing that my body will ultimately tell me what I need, and the zeal to pursue a well-rounded version of myself that is both mentally and physically well.
So, coming full circle to present day, here I sit in a coffee shop writing this blog post, eating a chocolate cheesecake brownie and sipping a cappuccino. I don’t feel the need to earn my treat, but rather practice balance in my life, diet, and workouts. Yes, work out and be active. Yes, try to be consistent in a healthy lifestyle. And yes, eat the damn treat!
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. In order to practice balance, I also have to practice honesty. There's plenty to be honest about when it comes to decisions of the past and how they affected my mindset. It took time, and still takes self-awareness, but I'm so pleased to be the happiest I've ever been physically -- happy with how my body feels, not looks.
XOXO